Friday, April 21, 2017

Feel Too Much

So here I am, lying in bed at 2 in the morning, thinking those deep thoughts once again. I don't know that many of my thoughts make much sense at all, and my eyes are getting continually more heavy, so bear with me while I spew out my random musings tonight.

I just finished the book If You Feel Too Much by Jamie Tworkowski, and tonight I was reading in another book and admiring the way both authors sees things. Similar to myself really. To sometimes feel like weight of all the things at once. To see a sunset and at once be filled with joy and worship, while simultaneously pondering things like the complexity of life. I feel like in my mind, nothing is simple. Everything feels deep and complex and too much.

Part of me wonders if my brain is just wired differently. Does everyone feel these things? I honestly don't have the answer to that question, but it's one of those things that pop into your head when you are trying to sleep.

Sometimes it is a nightmare to feel too much, but so many times it is also a beautiful gift.

Thursday, April 13, 2017

The Cross Has The Final Word

I am lying here in bed, trying to get some sleep, but I can't stop running over the details of this blessed day. This Lenten season, some of us from Rebuild have been participating in Holy Week services at different churches in our community, and tonight was no different. It was a beautiful service full of reminders of His mercy. We observed foot washing and communion.  It was a beautiful and blessed night. It was different than what I am used to, but I think that that made it all the more stunning to me. I couldn't 'phone it in', I listened, and boy did my heart listen tonight.

It hasn't just been this evening. This entire Lenten season has been beautiful. Part of me wishes that it didn't have to end. I suppose it doesn't have to really. I think that I love the intentionality of it.  It peels back the layers of our busy lives and allows us to remember who has been at the center of it all along. It's a quiet meditation.  This week has been full of beautiful reminders, and I can't recall a time that I have enjoyed Easter with this much passion and love for Jesus flowing out of me.

Tonight, I was in the stillness, listening to songs about the cross. I listened to songs that kept repeating over and over the same message, and suddenly it hit me right in the heart. That moment, the it is finished moment, what a stunning sacrifice. I was overwhelmed with the love. I wanted the throw my hands in the air right then and there, the love of our savior for me, I can't even fathom it. I just love Jesus so much. One song lyric that really stuck with me was "evil may put up the strongest fight, but the Cross has the final word." Talk about a victory people! I mean come on! When He proclaimed with His dying breath, it is finished, the gravity of what that really means, I can't even begin to fathom it. The love and the mercy that He has for us. He paid it all!

 I heard someone say that the only reason we can call it Good Friday is because we look at it through the lens of Sunday...but I think that sometimes we forget the weight of Friday. It was bloody and filled with grief. He took the weight of our sins upon Himself and was separated from the Father. I am in awe of His mercy tonight. It's Friday, but Sunday is coming!