Wednesday, October 11, 2017

I Am Alive, But She Isn't

The Rebuild family has entered into a season of heartbreak, one of our dearest friends has overdosed.  The heartache is still so fresh that the words just won't come, but there are some things that I have been pouring over that I want to talk about today.  Writing these things helps me to think through them, I don't like to sensor my thoughts here, so I will pour them out for you here and hope that you accept them with grace and understanding.   

In the past few days, I have been pouring over old messages that we had together and there is an overwhelming theme, my friend loved Jesus with all her heart.  She also loved encouraging me.  The photo above is one of those messages.  I had hit a really dark time, and we were talking about it.  We often talked about my darkness.  We talked about mine and we talked about hers.  We also talked about the light. She was my friend, so I didn't have to hold back.  She understood and she delivered words of wisdom to me.  In our messages like these, a common theme was that we were alive.  At one point she said "we are clean, we are sober, and we are alive".  She told me that this all has to mean something.  We repeatedly took the gift of life that we were given and we threw it back into God's face, but He left us here.  He wasn't ready for us yet, despite our best efforts.  Why? What are supposed to do with that? 

This past week, God was ready for Kayla.  She knew Him.  She is still moving mountains.  She is a perfectly flawed daughter of God. Nothing less.  Her soul is not meant for eternal damnation! Praise the Lord for that! 

He was ready for her this time, and that has to mean something.  

He left me here, and that has to mean something too. 

I don't know what to do with that.   

I am clean, I am sober, and I am alive.  That has to mean something.  It does mean something.  There is a reason that I am still here.  I am alive.  

When Kayla was here, she lived fully alive.  Anyone who knew her can tell you that.  She lived her life to the fullest.  She lived alive, and I want to live alive too.  Her death will not be in vain. 

We are all alive, and that has to mean something....