My Image Is My Idol

                                 

Last night, I was all up in my head.  I was feeling all kinds of anxiety, and I had no idea why.  I was being filled, and I was pumped up on Jesus.  I had just been to a Christian business leaders meeting and to a community prayer breakfast, and they were both amazingly filling and a blessed time, so why was I feeling anxious and less than.  I could not for life of me keep my eyes fixed on Jesus all day. Shower time is when I am most tempted and most attacked, in that quiet space where Satan can invade my thoughts.  It was then that I cried out.  In that moment a passage popped into my head...1 Samuel 5-7.  Initially I was sure it was nothing, I mean it came out of absolutely nowhere. Nevertheless, I hopped right out of the shower and grabbed my phone to look up that passage....here is what I found....

"Then Samuel said to all of the people of Israel, "If you want to return to the Lord with all your hearts, get rid of your foreign gods and your images of Ashtoreth.  Turn your hearts to the Lord and obey him alone; then He will rescue you from the Philistines."

Much of the passage that popped into my head was about what was happening with the ark of the covenant, but it is also about the people of Israel wanting to be delivered from the Philistines. However, this particular verse really struck me.  Get rid of your gods and images and turn your hearts to God, then He will rescue you.  

What struck me the most was the bit about image, so I started thinking over it. I kept coming back to it over and over again over the next day, and I realized something.  My image and how I look to the world, it has become an idol.  I am far too concerned with how the world views me, and not nearly concerned enough with what God thinks of me.  How backwards is that?  In reality, how God views me should be the only reputation I should be concerned about, and the beauty of it is that what He sees me as never changes.  He loves me, and His love never changes. He calls me forgiven, chosen, and redeemed. He calls me so many things, but I am so much more concerned in my day to day with how I look to the people around me.  Now, I am by far from over this idol, I can't change all the behaviors I have picked up overnight, but I can recognize that it is a problem, and I can acknowledge the idol and repent of it.  

My image is my idol.  The real problem with this is that I am far too concerned with pride to be living my life and my testimony out loud for Jesus.  I am too afraid to own up to my past and tell people about God's saving grace, because I am far too concerned with how it will make me look.  I feel that God has been calling me to be much more vocal about my testimony, but the idea of that freaks me out, I don't want to do it.  So I have been resisting, because...my image could be wrecked.  I like being a 'good Christian'.  It is so much fun isn't it?  I like it when people think I do good things. I like it when people talk about all the good I do.  Thanks a lot stupid pride! Oh how my ego is stroked when people are proud of me.  It's addicting.  It is also people pleasing, and I don't want that to be my reality.  God can do so much more with my story, if I would just sit down my pride and my image and walk towards him.  It isn't comfortable, but it will be worth it.  

It will be worth it...I just need to keep telling myself that....

If only we could wake up every single day keenly aware of the reality of who God says that we are...we would live so much more free wouldn't we?  

...return to the Lord with all your hearts... 

...then He will rescue you....

I sure would like to be rescued wouldn't you?  In order to return to the Lord, I need to lay down my pride and my image. Sacrifice my image to the Lord, and return to Him.  Like any good sacrifice, if I give my image to Him, I know in my heart that He could make it something better than I could ever imagine it being.  Perhaps better than what it is now....

So I will keep waking up every morning and turn my heart to Him....because I believe that I will soon be given an opportunity to lay down my image.  To sacrifice my pride, and step into His identity for me.